I started building websites when I was 12, after moving to North Carolina and having trouble making friends. It used to be that I could sit down and build and blog and market for hours. But right now, even writing these last few sentences feels like pulling teeth. The only thing I can work up the energy for is a nap.
My therapist says the problem is I’m focusing too much on the “big picture.” Debt to pay, a business to revive, health goals to meet, what I want to do when I “grow up,” etc. Pile it all together and anyone would be overwhelmed.
Honestly, it often feels as though I’m trying to race against some imaginary clock. If I don’t pay all of my bills right now, and become successful right now, and get fit right now, I’m somehow a failure. I guess in my mind, I’m a sim on super-speed, the days ticking away as I try to figure out how to make a salad using the stove…
I have aspirations. Goals. Things I want to do. I want to be financially stable. I want to be healthier. I want to get into Yoga. I want to build a sustainable, mostly passive website training business. I want to get better at comedy and music. I want to build a stronger relationship with my dog. But first and foremost, I want to like myself.
This blog has mostly been a place to tell “my side of the story.” But now I’m going to embark on a new project. I’m going to document my journey to “rebrand” my life and learn how to be proud of myself, and start to like the person I am.
I don’t really know what that entails. I only kind of know where to start, but I’m hoping I can make some progress and get back to that place where I do what I love, and love what I do.